I Write Song Lyrics & Here's One of My Favourites: "Crushed" (Song Blog, Vol. 5) - NoScheduleMan.com

I Write Song Lyrics & Here’s One of My Favourites: “Crushed” (Song Blog, Vol. 5)

KBE LogoIt’s been one of my favourite things to do since I was about 18 years old: I write song lyrics. I seldom try to. They just seem to “show up” in my consciousness and I write them down. There have been hundreds over the years, and some are better than others. But if all of my songs were drowning in the ocean and I could only jump in and save a few, “Crushed” would be one of the tunes I would reach for.

I don’t even remember the process of writing the song, but it’s one of my favorite examples of how I was able to express what I wanted to lyrically and match it up with a sonic representation of the emotional feeling. At least, that’s how it comes across from me.

“Crushed” is destined to be part of my rock song bucket list project, Mutineer. Curiously, it is one of the favorites of my oldest son. He has always loved this song ever since he first heard it. Mind you, I am listening to it with my imagination, filling in all the pieces that are not currently there through the use of my mind. And what I hear is a sledgehammer of a track, a foot-stomper that drives home the point that we can often be our own worst enemies, even when we are aware of the fact and are trying to make the necessary changes. So even though my son can’t yet hear what I hear in my mind, he still likes the song. I find that rather interesting.

I Wasn’t Getting the Message …

The lyrics (copied below) are another example that prove to me that I had the knowledge that I needed without being aware enough to apply it. Another example of this is my acoustic song, No Schedule Man, which I talked about in this short video. But as for “Crushed,” at the time that I wrote it in 2008, I did not yet know how much pain I was in, and that it would be born largely of my inability to let go of certain ideas and expectations. I would end up having to boil my life right back down to the bone in order to learn the necessary essence of getting present, being mindful and grateful, and living simply before I was able to get back into the game of pursuing my goals and dreams.

Kevin Bulmer CD Images

I have been a goal-oriented person for as long as I can remember, but I can now see with a hindsight born of experience that I was too rigid toward protecting the end game, not aware enough of the fruits of the journey, and setting myself up for disappointment by treating happiness as a result rather than a choice. Hence, “Crushed by the weight of expectation.”

Reading Between the Lines

Right from the very first line, I now understand this song. When it says, “I recognize the notion and it’s hitting me hard again, never would suffice to take it slowly,” I look at that as me saying to myself, I know I’m off track and I’m about to do something that I shouldn’t, yet I still can’t stop myself. Haven’t we all felt that way?

When it says, “I’m laying down the hammer but I feel I’m the nail again: rigid, driven, beaten down and lonely,” I think that’s a pretty good description of how I used to be when I was blindly driven forward to achieve my goal which I hoped and expected would bring some sense of fulfillment that I was not yet feeling. And sure enough, that proved to be a pretty consistent recipe for loneliness and frustration.

Hammer and Nail

When I hear myself speak about my life prior to divorce, I often notice myself saying that I did not know that I wasn’t happy. I just thought it was how it was supposed to be. So when I reflect upon lyric lines like, “I never intended to be crushed,” or, “We started innocently with intent to behave,” it seems obvious to me now that I knew I was somewhat out of balance but was not yet at a place where I was willing or able to apply that knowledge.

The lines in the second verse that say, “Explain away contentment with a nature to validate, never feeling warm until we’re burning,” now appear to me to be a pretty accurate description of somebody that does not know how to be gracious, grateful, and content inside any kind of present moment or does not naturally embrace good things without qualification. This smacks of a complete lack of self-love and awareness. That was me about 10 years ago.

The line, “Euphoria derailed until you prove you can duplicate, experience aside we aren’t learning,” may as well be something that someone was trying to get across to me. It could just as easily say, “Hey dummy! You are doing this to yourself! Relax! Enjoy the journey because it’s all you have!” But that’s not very lyrical.

I Don’t Know Why … I Lived Like a Fly

FlyPut another way, I suppose you could relate this to the analogy of a fly constantly zinging itself back into a pane of glass when there is an open window just a few feet away. Completely unaware yet determined to change its results by repeatedly doing the same thing, the fly is going to crush itself into submission however determined though it may be. I used to be like that, and would applaud my efforts without really being aware of how much I was hurting myself. I thought it was just the way it was supposed to be. I now know better. Hopefully, sharing this song, this blog, and my journey in general can help others to reach the same sense of awareness and fulfillment, without getting “Crushed” like I was.

This, of course, is just an early demo version of what I hope this song to sound like one day. But the lyrics will remain intact. I’m very proud of those and grateful that they came to me as they did. I hope that, through sharing, it will encourage you to explore and express your creativity also.

Comments: What Do You Think?

Do you have a song lyric that resonates this deeply for you? What song is it? Why does it mean so much to you? Does “Crushed” do anything for you? Please leave a comment and let me know!

For more on my Mutineer bucket list Law of Attraction experiment, or to contribute to and support the project, click here.

 

CRUSHED
By Kevin Bulmer (SOCAN)
©2008 Kevin Bulmer Enterprises

I recognize the notion and it’s hittin’ me hard again
Never would suffice to take it slowly

Laying down the hammer but I feel I’m the nail again
Rigid, driven, beaten down and lonely

We started innocently with intent to behave
Quickly curiosity will tend to accelerate
By and by anticipation makes you a slave
Cause we want
And we crave

Crushed
By the weight of expectation
Determination hanging over me
I never intended to be
Crushed
Result infatuation
Simple fascination suffocating me
I never intended to be
Crushed

Explain away contentment with a nature to validate
Never feeling warm until we’re burning

Euphoria derailed until you prove you can duplicate
Experience aside we aren’t learning

We started innocently with intent to behave
Quickly curiosity will tend to accelerate
By and by anticipation makes you a slave
Cause we want
And we crave

Crushed
By the weight of expectation
Determination hanging over me
I never intended to be
Crushed
Result infatuation
Simple fascination suffocating me
I never intended to be
Crushed

10 Responses to “I Write Song Lyrics & Here’s One of My Favourites: “Crushed” (Song Blog, Vol. 5)

  • Timothy Gagnon
    4 years ago

    I always admired people who can write their own song lyrics, it’s truly an interesting talent. Pretty cool lyrics! I say keep up the good work! Hope to see more of your songs on YouTube!

  • Mohammad Makki
    4 years ago

    Gee, Kevin, this song is really good. You should try to promote it a little more. I can tell you’re a good songwriter. I love knowing the personal story behind songs like these. It lets me identify with the writer, and it makes the song just feel better. I think the song is a great look into the dangers of routine and inaction.

    For me, the “contentment” line was powerful. I regularly achieve things many people celebrate, but I never feel good about them. More “what’s next?” That’s not ideal. Amazing job Kevin. I hope your songs breakout one day, until then I’ll try to listen to more of them!

    • Thanks for those kind words, Makki. I’m grateful. That song is just a demo at this point, but it’s part of one of my “bucket list” goals I’m determined to achieve. I don’t want to look back on my life and regret I didn’t try it. So I’m trying it, not to “break out” (as you kindly said), but just to do it because I want to!

      Thanks for your time, my friend. I appreciate you!

      Kevin

  • Hi, Kevin

    I enjoyed reading your song “Crushed.”
    I don’t always hear what people are singing when I listen to a song but when I read your song text I understood the meaning of it right away. That was a blessing to me and I learned that I can understand songs if I read them first.
    I can totally see the image of a fly constantly zinging itself back into a pane of glass when there’s an open window just a few feet away. I have that fly doing the same for years not seeing the open window. You inspire me with your song to look for the opening. Thanks for sharing.

    Tove

    • Thank you, Tove. I’m really happy you got something from it. That’s wonderful to hear!
      Best wishes to you,
      Kevin

  • Really great song that you’ve written here. I really love the lyrics. I can in some sense relate to the feeling (not necessarily the exact experiences though). It is sometimes difficult to sit back and enjoy the journey when there is another place you wish you were in your life, and that you were there now without the wait. You have a talent for expressing thoughts through your words. I write poetry so I enjoy when words are truly deep. I hope you keep it up!
    Best of luck!

    • Thank you, Sam! Best wishes to you and continued enjoyment through your poetry!
      Kevin

  • Brianna
    4 years ago

    When I was younger I used to write my own lyrics as well. There was always something so fulfilling of getting thoughts onto paper. I’ve always been a huge music buff as I truly believe that music is one of the best ways to express yourself. I really admire your work and can’t wait to hear more!

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