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Lost Your Flow? You’re Not Broken. You’re Human.

By August 10, 2017January 25th, 20186 Comments

Kevin Bulmer Video Blog | Lost Your Flow? You're Not Broken. You're Human.Transcript: It hasn’t been a very good week this week. Just being honest. Why? Because we don’t often think about the struggle that other people have, those that we’re looking up to.

When we’re trying to improve ourselves, do something that we’ve never done, have something that we’ve never had or drop a habit or improve in some way that stretches us beyond what we think are our current capacities, it’s natural to look up to other people. And I’m not suggesting that you’re looking up to me, although I certainly hope that you find some of the videos that I’m leaving here on the channel helpful and useful, but when you’re looking up to other people as mentors, as teachers, we’re seeing their successes. We’re trying to model after their results. What we don’t necessarily see are their struggles. But I guarantee they’re having them. If they’re human, they’re having them.

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But, not all that dissimilar to what I was talking about a couple weeks ago when I asked, “Does happily ever after really exist?” and I think it does, it’s just that we’re not really seeing the stories that are life-like in terms of the amount of work that it takes to be able to make a relationship work, to make a marriage work, to make friendships work, communication, we don’t see a lot of the struggle. Why not?

I really don’t have anything good to say. Please subscribe, and I’ll see you on the next video!

Well, what kind of a business model is it to click on to a YouTube video or somebody’s Facebook feed just to have your favorite self-help person or the person you look up to for positive affirmations or anything like that, for them to pop on and go, “Hey there, everybody! I’m not feeling very good today. It’s been a bad day. I’m really struggling today. I really don’t have anything good to say. Please subscribe, and I’ll see you on the next video!”

No, people don’t do that. Well, I can think of one guy that I appreciate that actually has come on and said, “Let me just let you in on a little secret, everybody has challenges from time to time.”

But, here’s the danger: when we’re only looking at successes and results, when we hit the rocks, when we’re all of a sudden feeling low, when we just lose the flow for a little bit, it’s natural for us to think that there’s something wrong with us, or that we should be able to do something like flipping a switch and get back in the flow, but I don’t think it works that way.

Once you’re down, that’s when the negative thoughts start rallying together like ants trying to get into the house.

I certainly hope it doesn’t work that way, because I haven’t been able to do that this week. I just had to ride it out. I don’t even know what it was. I was going along, feeling really good, healthier this year for a longer time than I can ever remember being. When I write down and visualize and feel all my goals, the number one thing is always, “I am healthy, happy, calm, and content.” Things really changed for me after I put that first before anything that I wanted to do.

But I knew I was pushing myself pretty hard and my nights were getting a little bit later, my days were starting a little bit earlier, and there’s no sore throat, there’s no cough, no runny nose, no upset stomach, it was just all of a sudden … it got to Sunday night, Monday morning, and … done. Just like somebody unplugged me out of the wall. Just exhausted. Finished. Couldn’t do anything! I couldn’t concentrate and just wanted to be asleep.

Well then what happens? You think,”Well, I should be able to overcome this. You’re just making excuses. Just get going again. Do something and you’ll start to feel better and you’ll gain some momentum.”

So you start trying to do something but you’re thinking, “No, you know, I’m really not feeling very good. Maybe I do need some rest, maybe I’ll lie down.”

Well then once you’re down, that’s when the negative thoughts start rallying together like ants trying to get into the house. They’re like, “He’s left the door open. Let’s get inside!” And then they start saying things like, “Let’s remind him that he can’t, or he won’t, or he shouldn’t.” And you start to be a little bit more aware of those voices.

I choose what I want to believe and how I want to feel. It’s just that sometimes, we’re struggling.

But here’s the trick: all of the work that you’ve done to that point strengthens you, so you may be down, which is natural and human, but because of all the work that you’ve done up to that point, you know that the ants are in the house and in your head. But, you also know you’re going get back in the flow. And once you do, sorry ants, exterminator’s comin’ calling!

So you can say, “All right guys, I can see you got in. Good for you. Thumbs up. But I’ve got news for you: I’m gonna be back on my feet, and when I am, you’re not welcome. So you’ve got a choice: you can either leave on your own, or you can wait until I’m back in the flow and I’ll help you. Because I choose what I want to believe and how I want to feel. It’s just that sometimes, we’re struggling.”

So I thought I would leave this video as a little bit of a, maybe a gift, a reminder to my future self, and certainly to you, if you’ve clicked on this video (or visited this blog) I hope it’s been helpful, and if not … hey there, future Kevin! Relax! You’re human! Everybody struggles, okay? Just chill out. You’ll be back in the flow before you know it.

Do you have a tip or a trick or something that you do when all of a sudden you just sort of lose the string and you’re not feeling as good? What do you do? I would be happy to hear from you, please do consider leaving that in the comments below. I’ve got to go get rid of some ants now.

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  • Juan says:

    Great stuff.
    I am also sometimes struggling when I do not achieve as much as I had planned. Makes me feel bad. I took an NLP course beginning of the year which is supporting your view. You are able to choose how you deal with all this negative energy and you can choose to gain momentum again…

    • Kevin says:

      Good for you, Juan! Understanding NLP is huge! I’ve had massive positive changes in my life since taking on the course in Neurogym (John Assaraf’s programs) and highly recommend them.
      Thanks for your visit and kind words!

  • Sanna says:

    Thank you for the good article!

    I think that nowadays so called “positivity” has caused many misunderstandings. Many people think that to be “positive” means that you never feel angry, you accept everything just smiling happily, even ants coming to your house, you’re never frustrated and do not want to change, because you are so positive that there is nothing to change!

    I think this attitude causes pain to many people, when they suddenly see that they actually have a bad day, and that they have “lost” their flow… This can not happen because you are supposed to be “positive!” What a failure: feeling bad!

    I think that your story tells about this phenomenon. I think that when you have a bad feeling, better to accept it and let it go. It becomes worse if you feel bad about that you feel bad!

    I think, when we think positively, that positive thinking is to see the bad days and think: “Now I feel like this but it is only temporary.”

    I go to sleep (if possible) when I do not feel good. Because I am from Finland, going to the sauna is very effective way to realx, too. Cleaning the home, for some reason, is calming. You get something done! And when you have got something done, you already feel better.

    Bad point when feeling bad is, that often just in that time you attract people who are not in a good mood either. That is why, in bad moments, I recommend some sort of withdrawal for to avoid useless argueing with other people! Also, it is better to avoid social media that time! 🙂

    • Kevin says:

      Hi Sanna,
      Thank you for your visit and very thoughtful remarks. You’ve made some great observations! I agree that a truly important part of self-care is to know when to pull back to allow yourself to reset and recharge. Otherwise, as you’ve noted, you may be inviting more trouble by continuing to push when you’re depleted, in a negative vibration.
      Your comments are deeply appreciated. Thanks again.
      Best wishes,

  • Mathew says:

    Thanks for the confidence booster, Kevin. It’s hard to stay positive sometimes when you’re giving 100% and not seeing any results. The people you’re learning from are already successful, and you weren’t around to see their struggles. A post like yours is a good reminder that we’re all imperfect, we all struggle sometimes, and nobody gets anywhere worthwhile without a little difficulty. Thanks again, and keep ’em comin’.

    • Kevin says:

      Thanks Mathew,
      I appreciate your visit and kind words. Keep working at it and I’ll do the same!
      Wishing you the best,

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