Surviving Divorce – Carl Good, Ep. 47

Podcast interview about surviving divorce with Carl Good

Carl Good is the co-founder of Good Family Matters, a mediation center based here in London, Ontario that teaches and encourages positive methods mediation (PMM) where they reframe conflict into an opportunity to create a best-case working partnership. He knows all about surviving divorce.

Just as I have been, Carl has been through a separation and divorce. He’s come out of it passionate about wanting to help people, not just to move through that very difficult time of their lives in as proactive a manner as possible, but to coach and equip them with the skills that will enhance their lives and the lives of their children going forward.

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I have spent some time with Carl over the last many months and I can tell you that he is an absolutely sincere, kind, creative and compassionate individual. He really and truly wants to help.

I also know about surviving divorce. And I was lucky. When I went through my separation and divorce, it went as well as I could have hoped. But even then, I wish I’d known Carl back at that time in my life.

In our conversation, Carl shares some incredible tales about his life and experiences, both good and not–as-good, and gives some invaluable insight about relationships, including his own. Sometimes, the conversations that we’ve seemed to naturally view as difficult are the ones that we should perhaps be viewing is absolutely fundamental and necessary in order to grow as people and save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary pain and upheaval in the long run. Carl has devoted this portion of his life to helping people do just that.

Here are some key takeaways I took for my time with Carl Good:

1. Negative Becoming Normal and Your Environment Changing Who You Are – When Carl’s divorce court proceedings were over and he was ready to move on, he thought he should have been happy but wasn’t. Negative had become normal and he didn’t know what to do next. He also gives a great account of what was happening in his police career and he realized he was becoming more negative and cynical and that it was wearing on him. He noted that he was living in fear and he didn’t like what that was doing to him, that it was “changing who he was.” Have a listen to see what he did about it.

2.   Finding Common Ground – He said it took about four years but after all of that negativity there was there was a time when he and his former wife came together over an issue involving the school that their child was attending. This brought them together he shares a story about it that I found extremely touching. There is an incredible power in common ground while surviving divorce, especially when you realize that you’re in it together and are really willing to put the children first.

3. Check Your Ego – For the sake of yourself and your future, and your children (if you have them) and their future … when the waters get rough, take as many deep breaths as you need to. Check your ego. Make good decisions. If you listen to nothing else from this episode, listen to about the last 15 minutes where Carl gets into detail about the process of separation and divorce and gives an example of what’s likely to happen if you take it to the courts.

What does it look like when you walk in the door and you scream and yell at your wife, or she screams and yells at you and calls you names and says that you’re lazy and don’t do enough around the house? What do you think these things are doing to your children? And what is their future going to look like?

– Carl Good