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“Still Afraid Of Being Me” – Overcoming Fear’s Facade

By October 14, 2017February 24th, 2021No Comments

Still Afraid Of Being Me | Kevin Bulmer Video BlogTranscript: There’s no way you would know this without me sharing it with you, but I’ve constantly got this voice in the back of my head. It says, “Kevin, when are you going to have the guts to share more honestly, openly, and authentically?” And it’s not that I’m not being inauthentic with you with these videos, but it’s telling me to be more raw and real, and a little bit less polished and prepared.

We all strive for perfection, but we can’t relate to it. And I know that, and I’ve got this voice that’s constantly chattering at me. And I just haven’t been able to get there. I don’t think this video is it, but maybe it’s a step.

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I don’t know if this is coming across in the video blogs that I’m doing, but I’m not trying to tell you what I think you should do. I’m really not. What I’m trying to do is to use myself as a bit of a test case, like a guinea pig almost, if you will. For your own enjoyment.

I’m just trying to say, “Look I’m out there on the journey. I’m trying to grow, I’m trying to move forward, be more authentic, and figure out and live from and embrace my passion and purpose and achieve my goals and dreams.” And then as I go along that path, I’m looking to share things that I’m noticing, that I’m experiencing, that I’m feeling.

I try to do that in a way that I consider creative and somewhat metaphorical, in a way that I enjoy and to try to share that in a manner that I’m hoping will be entertaining and maybe interesting enough for you to spend a few minutes with each week.

We all strive for perfection, but we can’t relate to it.

What would be even better is if it’s valuable enough that you would consider it through your own perspective and experience, and then take something away from what I’m experiencing, and hopefully be of value to you. I don’t know if that’s coming across. But that’s what I’m trying to do.

Within that quest, I’m very much aware that I’m trying to get more in touch with my own voice, my own authenticity, who I really am. And I don’t even feel like I’m close to it yet.

So here I am this morning, talking to you basically in my pajamas. Look – there’s my skull and bones sleep pants. I haven’t fixed up my hair, haven’t had a shower, haven’t shaved. It’s kind of a weak attempt at being vulnerable and raw. But it’s a step, I think, to try to share something that I’ve also noticed about myself, is that it seems like an easy trap to strive for perfection when we can’t relate to it. I think we relate to real.

I’m the same as anybody else. I’ve got people whose work that I look up to, that I measure myself against in everything I’m doing; my videos, my speeches, anything. Or I catch myself trying to make them look and feel, and sound like what everybody else is doing. But lately, this alarm bell’s going off in my mind going, “No, no, you don’t want to be like everybody else! You want to be Kevin. Just say and feel what Kevin would say and feel! That’s what makes you you. That’s what you’re here to share.”

I feel like putting out a front of perfection is a facade for fear.

That sounds easy and natural to do. I don’t think I’m doing that yet, and you know why? Because I’m scared. I’m scared. I feel like putting out a front of perfection is a facade for fear. And I am determined to own that, and break that down.

What am I scared of? A number of things. I’m scared I’m going to tick off the wrong person, and close the door to an opportunity that hasn’t even opened itself to me yet, which is completely disingenuous and I know it.

I’m scared that I might possibly contradict something that I’ve shared in some previous speech or blog, or something like that, as if my thoughts aren’t allowed to evolve and grow as we go. Indeed, that’s kind of the whole point. Still, I feel that way.

I’m scared of dealing with negativity. And not so much people disagreeing with me, but the energy that it might take to deal with what I think are inevitable negative comments and energy. And see, even there, I’m guilty of assuming that that’s what’s going to happen. I’m putting my energy into dealing with something that hasn’t even happened yet! That’s an issue for me to try to figure out.

So this is an attempt for me to share a little bit more honestly and authentically. It’s not that I’m trying to be perfect. Am I trying to improve? Absolutely. But I’m actually trying to run further from perfection and toward more authenticity. But I’m scared. There’s fear.

But do you know something? I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that stop me.

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