Podcast interview about how to enjoy thriving loving relationships with Kim Von Berg

Thriving Loving Relationships - Kim Von Berg | Journeys with the No Schedule Man, Ep. 25I am fascinated by the subject of cultivating thriving loving relationships and enjoying open, honest, and effective communication. Perhaps I feel that way because it can be such a challenge to achieve, even when you are consciously aware of it and are truly making the effort. So just imagine what state it puts us in when we are not aware.

Well, you don’t really have to imagine. Just take a look around.

Unfortunately, it took the process of separation and eventual divorce for me to truly dive into exploring what makes relationships work (or not), how to communicate effectively with your partner and what kinds of things influence the way we feel, whether it be a deeper sense of love and connection, or a drifting or pulling apart of two souls that once had worked so well together. It hadn’t occurred to me to even look into it before then. I figured that the way life was going was, well, “just the way it is.”

I had no idea. But, boy, have I learned a lot.

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In the time since, I’ve wondered how can it be so ridiculously common for two people who once felt indescribably connected to end up as such bitter enemies? What sense does that make and why do we seem to keep perpetuating the stereotype? This fascinates me. If something’s clearly not working, why do we keep doing it??

Over the course of the last many years, having continued to work at it and learn, I’ve become convinced that there is a better way to live and love and that you can have the relationships that you desire. You just need to know how to do it and be open and willing to exploring and employee those ideas.

That’s where people like Kim Von Berg come in.

Kim is a long-time love coach, is passionate about transforming the lives and relationships of singles and couples – and has owned and operated Thriving Loving Relationships since 1997.  She is a certified singles and couples coach, a communication specialist, a credentialed teacher and holds a master’s degree in Humanistic Psychology. In addition, she is certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and as a Calling in the One Coach.

I could have talked with Kim for hours. I feel strongly that anyone in any kind of a relationship can benefit greatly by hearing and truly taking to heart what Kim has so share.

Key takeaways about thriving loving relationships:

  1. It starts with self. This is true of so many things in life, and relationships are no different. The manifest of your outer reality all begins from your inner dialogue. What patterns can you recognize? What stories do you keep telling yourself? Perhaps the key reason why people jump from relationship to relationship and keep ending up with the same result is because they are unaware – or unwilling – of how essential it is to first look inside if you want anything to change on the outside.
  2. Coming to a relationship from a place of “I” instead of “You.” Here’s an example: If I say, “I feel this way,” it’s not really arguable. I’m sharing how I’m feeling about something. I’m not stating a cause: I’m sharing the effect. But as soon as I say, “You made me feel this way,” the defenses go up and the fight is on. To that end …
  3. No one can make you feel anything. Easy as it is to blame and criticize, if you’re upset, that’s your choice. This is a pill that many (most?) people don’t want to swallow. But until you can accept this medicine, you’re going to remain stuck. On the other hand, as soon as you take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings, you’ll begin to feel more empowered and secure than you could ever have imagined. But it takes practice.

Here is the conversation with Kim Von Berg:

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Kevin Bulmer is a Strategic Marketing and Mindset Coach and Keynote Speaker and founder of No Schedule Man Brand Media. He is the producer and host of the momondays London inspirational event series, strategic marketing coach for Awesomepreneurs and host of the podcast, “Journeys with the No Schedule Man.”

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  • Yvonne says:

    Hi Kevin,

    I agree about the 2nd point that you made. People tend to feel less defensive when you start with “I” instead of “You” which sounds more accusatory. As for the 3rd point, I think it’s easier said than done. You need to be very strong emotionally not to feel upset when criticisms are leveled at you. Faith helps tremendously in this aspect.

    Thanks for sharing. Btw, I’ve not heard of Kim Von Berg before.

  • Justin Walls says:

    Great post Kevin!

    In today’s society true relationships seem to be very uncommon. With busy lives and stress it’s hard for two people to give their focus on the right things, the things that matter.

    I have a child with my ex-girlfriend (a beautiful daughter :)) and I would not change a thing.

    I was blessed to meet a new lady in my life. We’ve been together for over 3 years now. With her I realize that when I shift my focus from I to you in a positive manner it has done us both wonders.

    Any important decision we make we both as each other how WE feel about it. Communication is so important to a healthy relationship.

    Thanks for this great read and podcast. This is a subject that almost every couple can improve on.

    Thanks Kevin

    • Kevin says:

      Hi Justin!
      Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I’m thrilled to hear that you have a wonderful daughter and that you’re enjoying a rich relationship now. I’m finding that it takes and almost constant awareness and openness to recognize and acknowledge your feelings when they suddenly start to turn dark, which seems to happen easily! But when you can express them in an open and loving way, it’s amazing how quickly those fears dissolve into the ether and more closeness is left in its place.
      Wishing you all the very best, and thanks again for visiting.

  • Hari says:

    Wow, everything you have talked in this post resonates with my beliefs about this subject. I too have studied relationship psychology a lot out of my curiosity with exact thoughts as you have described like “how come two people who have loved each other so much can become each others biggest enemies? ”
    I reached to the conclusion as Kim has described that it is always about our own inner state, we are creating our reality every moment and how we relate to others always depends on how we perceive them.

    I believe in conscious living, it is a bit difficult to take the complete responsibility but it can really transform our relationships.

    Thank you for this awesome post Kevin!

    • Kevin says:

      Hello Hari,
      Thank you for those remarks. I believe that’s really well said, especially this part: “It is a bit difficult to take the complete responsibility but it can really transform our relationships.” I couldn’t agree more.
      Thanks for visiting!
      Best wishes,

  • Craig says:

    Hi Kevin,

    As a divorcee I can relate to this. I feel bitter after my divorce and I also wonder how can this happen after 20 years of marriage? I have since married again and I am working harder to make it work. One thing I did – I changed my lifestyle. I find that this is working to my advantage.

    • Kevin says:

      Hi Craig,
      I’m sorry to hear of the pain you went through. I also changed – and continue to change – much about my lifestyle. I’m better for it. Good for you for taking that on.
      Wishing you all the very best,

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